i always forget guys have bellybuttons
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
