I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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