My room smells like vodka and shame
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
