You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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