I smell stomach acid.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
