so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
