I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
