Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
