shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
