Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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