If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
