This is not my ceiling
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
