I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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