apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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