i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize