Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
