My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I want a musical about memes.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
