I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
