he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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