is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
