HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
