I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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