ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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