My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize