Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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