Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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