Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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