My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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