i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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