cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
