You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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