im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
