There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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