New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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