drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
