Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
