1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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