dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
