I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
