she was so not down for the gang bang
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
