Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
