Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
