We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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