im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
