I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
