I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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