I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
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