Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
