im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
