Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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