How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You smell like stripper and shame
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
