I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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