i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
