Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
