woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
