its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize