New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
