You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
