woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize