we have pet lesbian snakes
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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