I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Be still, my beating vagina.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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