fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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