Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
