I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
