i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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