I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
