and she was petting her beer can
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
there is glitter all over my balls
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