i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
