i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
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