There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
